i found myself, i found love agian and i found a way to get away with murder. Everything is coming together finally. for how long i dont know but i dont care not knowing.

Sometimes something, anything, living or mechanical can sway you onto another path, make you see things you've never bothered to experience....this single action changes everything.

For some strange reason a letter in the mail this afternoon has changed what i was seeing as a certain death situation into something so positive. This is for you.....Ive only been able to find 5 pieces of work on the net so far, but it was your hand that pushed me into the right direction.

I love this one so much. Thank you. x

The Persistence of Song

Although it is not yet evening
The secretaries have changed their frocks
As if it were time for dancing,
And locked up in the scholars' books
There is a kind of rejoicing,
There is a kind of singing
That even the dark stone canyon makes
As though all fountains were going
At once, and the color flowed from bricks
In one wild, lit upsurging.

What is the weather doing?
And who arrived on a scallop shell
With the smell of the sea this morning?
-Creating a small upheaval
High above the scaffolding
By saying, "All will be well.
There is a kind of rejoicing."

Is there a kind of rejoicing
In saying, "All will be well?"
High above the scaffolding,
Creating a small upheaval,
The smell of the sea this morning
Arrived on a scallop shell.
What was the weather doing
In one wild, lit upsurging?
At once, the color flowed from bricks
As though all fountains were going,
And even the dark stone canyon makes
Here a kind of singing,
And there a kind of rejoicing,
And locked up in the scholars' books
There is a time for dancing
When the secretaries have changed their frocks,
And though it is not yet evening,

There is the persistence of song.

- Howard Moss

Im keepimg my head above water.......... please dont turn on the tap.

Its been over 2 weeks since i've taken any kind of benzo or opiate. I've been cutting down on the drinking to, only one or two glasses of wine a night. I wait until 7 then pour one and sip it. You know what? It feels so good to be back, i can hear my thoughts again. My brain sort of works. I cant believe i hurt it so, its all I have. Thanks to everyone who has been helping me. I havent learn how to love again but when i do your on the list. x

So what is a sociopath? A serial killer that strolls from one victim to another? Possibly, but not often. Ask yourself this: is your partner unable to form any kind of emotional bond with another person? Does he or she seem to be always without empathy for others, even their own family? Does he or she do things that to you seem beyond comprehension; and then carry on as if those actions made no difference? Is he or she in trouble with the law and other authorities? Does he or she like dangerous, outrageous or socially/sexually unacceptable activities that provide a thrill? If you see this dynamic in your partner, family member, coworker, or friend, you are very probably dealing with a sociopath.

If that isn't bad enough, most people who show sociopathic behavior aren't just sociopathic. They often also have narcissistic tendencies, sometimes intensely angered by anything that seems to suggest that he or she might have a flaw. In this mode, they will do anything, including brutalizing their own family, to maintain their own feeling that others see them as without any flaws. The combination is terribly painful to live with.